“Don’t shit where you eat,” warns a common adage. Propriety would agree. I prefer “don’t bang where you hang,” but no matter the wording, the advice is the same: Don’t get it on where you live, learn, spend or earn. Having had more ill-advised affairs than I care to remember, I understand the warning’s intention. But even from the far side of experience, the idea that human life can remain untainted by animal instinct seems absurd.
Trynna so hard.
For better or worse, a strong connection usually begins with, well, a connection. A mutual friend. A shared interest. A common employer, professor or landlord (oh, cruel world). A dynamic forms, tension builds and then…something happens. The dynamic changes, but the connection unbearably stands. Look what you did, you filthy animal! That’s what you get for shitting where you eat.
But why is that so wrong, and what is the alternative in which there is no common ground? Online dating? I’m not hating on OkCupid, but I’m not on there because I meet plenty of interesting people in real life. Of course, I live in New York City, where “interesting” could mean that I caught you relieving yourself on a table at Starbucks. What? That guy was kind of cute.
Kidding, it was the most horrifying moment of my life. Talk about shitting where you eat, AMIRIGHTLADIEZZZ?
Civilized norms don’t prevent things from going awry. Locks jams. Toilets clog. Paper runs out (oh, cruel world). Meanwhile, the monkeys rolling around in their own waste are no worse for the indiscretion. They simply get better at ignoring their shit. Or slinging it at their enemies.
Evolve this, bitch.
I say we thoughtfully shit where we please. Actions have consequences, but we assign the value of both. By forecasting inevitable shitstorms – and, you know, communicating our intentions like grown-ups – we can decide for ourselves whether we’re willing to risk a few stinky days. Let’s face it: Shitting can be uncomfortable, no matter where it happens. Sometimes, ya just gotta go.
Do you follow any dating rules?