So first thing’s first: what in Gaga’s name am I wearing in this header of mine?
Articulating my personal style is tricky. I tend to become obsessed with channeling a certain vibe, commit to it fully for several months, then undergo an epic overnight transformation out of boredom (it’s the enemy, have you heard?). Last summer, I woke up one morning and declared I would only be wearing black, white, gray, navy and eggplant. That lasted about as long as Kim Kardashian’s marriage. To this day, I believe the most spot-on fashion diagnosis I’ve ever received was a cautiously proffered description of “tastefully…gaudy…?”
Say hello to the name of my future memoir. Tastefully Gaudy: The Emma Aubry Roberts Story: Sequins and Sailor Stripes or, Loafers and Leopard Print or, The Girl in the Little Black Ostrich Feather Dress or, Hey, Who Cut A Kaleidoscope Pattern in the Back of My Burberry Trench Coat?! I’ll let you decide whether that last one is based on a true story. So James Frey right now.
Jokes aside, “tastefully gaudy” is a remarkably accurate summary. I’m a sucker for sparkle and never met a mesh inset I didn’t like, but my ostentatiousness operates within the realm of simple silhouettes and luxury fabrics. I will always choose a crewneck over a deep V, or pair my skinny leather moto pants with mild-mannered ballet flats. No matter the end game, my foundations are undeniably classic. Hence the peacock as my spirit animal: flashy, but stately.
In that sense, this outfit is standard peacocking. You’ve got your glitter bomb top, but in the shape of a modest t-shirt; your rainbow-hued ostrich feather mini, worn with neutrals to bring it back down to earth. The watch is an everyday staple, lending a touch of pragmatic masculinity to the ensemble, and the undone hair and minimal makeup keep the whole thing from feeling too fussy.
Cuh-lear-ly getting my groove on. I was so into my one man dance party that the shoes almost went undocumented, save for this unposed and extremely natural-looking gem:
Another peacock balancing act, in more ways than one. Stripper heels over opaque tights. Works when the heels are made of leather and suede; latex, maybe not so much.
And now I have to cop to doing this silly thing to my nails:
If you liked it then you shoulda put four coats of glittery silver ethyl acetate on it. BAM! Catchy, right? Don’t worry, Blue Ivy, I’ll sell you the rights.
[J.Crew shirt, Cynthia Rowley skirt, Wolford tights, Zara shoes, Michael Kors watch.]